3 Personality Hacks to Instantly Make People Like You
Let's face it: there's nothing worse than that sinking feeling when you suspect someone finds you dull, annoying, or just plain uninteresting. I've been there—several times, in fact. But over the years, I've drawn on my background in sociology and psychology (thanks, UC Berkeley!) to develop a handful of strategies that consistently help me win people over. Today, I'm going to share these three tips with you so you can feel more at ease in any social setting.
1. Listen More Than You Talk
It sounds obvious, but I can't emphasize it enough: be the person who gives others space to talk about themselves, their day, and their interests. A good rule of thumb is the 80/20 principle, where you let the other person speak 80% of the time and you fill only 20%. Why does it work? People love talking about themselves—almost as much as they love free tacos on a Tuesday. And if you sprinkle in references to things they mentioned earlier (like a friend's name or a funny story), they'll realize you've been truly paying attention. That alone can create an instant connection.
2. Mirror and Match
Remember those old survival instincts from our tribal days? Back then, spotting someone with similar markings (or matching sports jerseys in the modern era) indicated safety and kinship. The same principle applies in everyday conversation: try to subtly mirror the other person's body language and general vibe. If they're leaning in and talking animatedly, lean in and up your enthusiasm, too. Just don't turn this into a comedy sketch where your every move is an exact copy of theirs. The idea is to flow with them naturally so they feel, on a subconscious level, "Hey, this person is in my tribe."
3. Ask Better Questions
"How's it going?" might be the standard greeting, but it usually garners a stock response like "Good," "Fine," or "Hanging in there." Instead, try open-ended questions that make people pause and actually think. For example, if you met me at a coffee shop and asked, "If your day were an animal right now, what would it be?" I'd be momentarily stumped (in the best way!) and forced to respond with something way more insightful than "I'm good." It makes everything more fun, and it breaks the usual autopilot mode of casual conversation. Want to see this in action? Check out the video!
Bonus: Two Go-To Questions I Love
• "If you were to describe your day as an animal, what would it be and why?" This catches people off guard in a delightful way and pulls them into the present moment. Most folks will spontaneously explain why they picked a certain creature (like a sloth or a hummingbird), and that jump-starts a more personal and memorable conversation.
• "When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?" Not only does this open a window to a personal story, but it often prompts an instant smile before they even speak. In my experience, their answer sparks genuine connection—and sometimes a hilarious anecdote that brightens up everyone's day.
Wrapping It Up
There they are: the three simple strategies to upgrade your personality game and become someone people genuinely want to spend time with. First, listen (and show you care by reflecting on their stories). Second, mirror and match to signal you're on the same wavelength. Third, ask interesting, open-ended questions to spark conversations that go beyond mundane small talk. Trust me, if you try these with the next person you meet, you'll notice a difference.
If you enjoyed these tips—or if you have any hysterical "laughed so hard I cried" stories of your own—stop by again soon. There's plenty more where this came from. Who knows, we might even find ourselves riding off into the sunset with matching jerseys, swapping stories about hedgehogs and sloths along the way. Okay, maybe not literally...but you get the idea.