My Wild Tony Robbins Breathwork Session: The Day I Bit Off My Watch
I've done some bizarre things in the name of personal growth, but this takes the proverbial (and literal) bite of the cake—or in this case, a watch band. Let me back up a second: I was attending Tony Robbins' Life Mastery Seminar, super pumped to learn new wellness hacks and find my zen. So there I am, lying on the floor, following the breathwork guidance of Jon Paul Crimi. And next thing I know, I'm giving a T-Rex a run for its money with my new "claws."
They call it tetany: that lovely phenomenon where your hands cramp up into dino-like appendages when you push your body to a certain point with intense breathing. Sounds weird, right? Trust me, it feels even weirder. I'm on the floor, tears streaming down my face—from gratitude or from the sheer shock of discovering I can morph into a tiny-armed Jurassic beast. Then I notice that my smartwatch is trying to do me a favor and dial 911.
Apparently, my devoted little Garmin Fenix 7 smartwatch decided I needed emergency medical services, you know, because lying down sobbing with T-Rex hands basically screams "cardiac event." My watch beeped and blinked and asked me if I was dying. Of course, for me to reassure it, all I would actually need to do is press a button before the countdown reached zero. Except I couldn't, because my hands were locked tight in full dino mode. It was equal parts terrifying and hilarious.
I had a few seconds to spare before paramedics stormed my in-laws' place, only to find me sprawled on the floor with clawed hands, crying eyes, and absolutely no explanation. My partner was downstairs with our kids (ages three and one and a half), and I was not about to let her waltz into that scene of chaos unannounced. So I did the only logical thing I could think of: I panicked. Just kidding....kinda. I bent my head down… and used my teeth to bite through and yank off my watch band. Yes, I literally bit off my watch strap. It was the only way I could then press the button to cancel the emergency alert.
Moments like these really highlight the power of breathwork. It turns out that all my tears and T-Rex impressions served a purpose beyond comedic relief. My body was shedding layers of stress and trauma I didn't even know I was lugging around. One minute I was rolling around on the floor cursing my watch, and the next, I felt… light. Rejuvenated, even (and still do as I write this 2 days later).
That's the thing about breathwork: it can catch you off guard. It's powerful enough to release emotions and knots you've been harboring for ages. Jon Paul Crimi's guidance was spot on—sometimes you simply can't predict whether your watch is going to panic for you or if your arms will decide it's T-Rex Tuesday. But the emotional clarity afterward is worth every moment of intense confusion.
I ended up with a brand-new watch band plus a funny story that'll never fail to amuse my family. But more importantly, I walked away with this sense of detox. If you've never tried intense breathwork, be prepared: you might cry, you might lock up, you might even unwittingly call the ambulance on yourself. And while I can't promise you won't get a dino nickname from your loved ones, I CAN promise that on the other side of that temporary weirdness lies a truly transformative experience.
So here's my advice: take off your watch (just in case) and dive right in. Because if radical personal breakthroughs require a few T-Rex jokes and a missing watch band, I say bring it on! Life's too short not to breathe deep—just don't forget to hit the "cancel" button if your watch thinks you're having a crisis.